The Ghosts of Groundhog Day Past

Like thieves in the night, Groundhogs were our enemy when growing up on the MapleHill farm west of Monroe. Those little pigs dug tunnels around the foundations of farm buildings and made quite a mess. Dad and I stood on the porch across the road with my single-shot .22 and picked them off as best we could. Our landlord, Ulrie Clevenger, paid me $1 for every groundhog we shot. He then hauled the carcass out to the field for fertilizer.

I tried trapping them once, only I didn’t use a big enough trap. I used a muskrat trap and set it in one of the tunnels, anchored to the ground with a stake. The next morning when I checked the trap, it was pulled out of the ground and the trap gone — a life lesson in using the proper tool for the job.

Several years ago, I belonged to Mt. Pleasant’s Running Club. For Groundhog Day, we decided to charter a bus, take it to Kansas City, and participate in the Annual Groundhog Run, held underground in Kansas City’s Hunt Caves. If you’ve never seen the Hunt Caves (yes the same Hunt family that owns the Chiefs), they are miles and miles of underground caves running horizontal through a hillside. They are used for storage because the caves are 68° year-around, with low humidity — ideal for storage, and running. As the name implies the Groundhog Run is held on a Sunday as close to Groundhog Day as possible.

Well, the year I’m talking about, which was the second time we had gone to the Groundhog Run, I, being the class clown, decided to dress up like a groundhog, and run the entire race, a 5k (3.1 miles). There was also a 10k, which was simply a double loop of the 5k. But wearing the hot Groundhog costume, I wisely opted for the 5k.

I rented the groundhog costume from a costume store. It was actually a large mouse costume, but groundhog or big mouse, what’s the diff?

On the day of the race, I was quite the hit, like class clowns love. Runners had their pictures taken with me. I actually ran the whole 5k in the full-body costume and sweated like a hog (a misnomer — hogs don’t sweat). The large head was made of plastic, with only the eyes for vent holes. But it was worth it. At the end of the race, the officials had me hand out awards. I was told that I was kissed several times by lady award winners, of which I was unaware. I was also disappointed that there was no award for the fastest groundhog. On the way home, the bus driver, vying for class clown, asked if he could borrow my groundhog costume. He wore it most of the way home, getting lots of honks from other drivers, and sent a picture of himself to his boss.

Groundhog Day was Sunday, Feb. 2 this year, perfect timing for the Groundhog Run. No, I did not run it this year, and maybe, at my age, 76, never will again. I have no idea if Punxsutawney Phil saw its (it is sometimes female) shadow, or not, and I don’t care. History tells us that PP is only 30 percent accurate, anywho, of predicting the weather for the rest of the winter. The Wolf Moon is a far better predictor as I wrote about a couple of weeks ago. If you could see Mars as the Moon passed over it, the rest of the winter was going to be miserable, like winters of old, snow up to the eaves. If you couldn’t see Mars, the rest of the winter would be mild. I could not see Mars when the Wolf Moon was full on Jan. 13. Therefore, the rest of the winter, the Wolf Moon and I predict, is going to be mild. There, you heard it first from the Empty Nest. Move over Farmers Almanac.

Speaking of groundhogs, there’s been some nasty holes dug in our roadside embankment lately. I’m wondering if they’re groundhog dens. I haven’t seen one yet, but I can’t imagine what else dug holes that size. Hmm. Maybe the groundhogs have come back to haunt me, getting revenge for all that shooting of their ancestors years ago. The ghosts of Groundhog Day past.

Contact Curt Swarm at curtswarm@yahoo.com.